To my little boy on his first day of school

My sweet little man,
You are going to school today and you are excited. You know it means friends and play time, books and songs. You know it means excitement and independence. But you are sweet and little and the world is big and can be harsh.

I’m a nervous reck, and someday when you are a daddy you will understand why. But right now, you are 4 and you do not yet know that you are a little different. You do not yet know that your legs may cause you to fall in the middle of the field during the height of the game. You do not know that your hands may make you struggle to write as everyone else does it with ease. You do not know that your meds make you tired, and that you will be the only one that naps. You do not know that you make funny noises when your face and lips spasm. You do not know that other kids are not like you. And you do not yet know, that kids can be mean.

I wonder how they will respond to you. Will they even notice? Will you even care? Will you feel alone? Will you feel afraid? Will you fit it? Or feel left out, and misunderstood? Will you love it? Will you be the ringleader of the class? Will you find your way and have the time of your life? So many unknowns, and as your mommy all I can do is hold my breath and hope for the best.

We have chosen a school that I think will be perfect for you. But, we won’t know till school starts if we chose correctly. I hope with all my heart that we did. I am excited for you. But I am afraid too. It’s terrifying sending you off into the great unknown. But, I know I have to, and I am doing my best to keep it together.

So, on your first day of kindergarten, here is what you need to know.

You are amazing. And I’m not just saying that because you are mine. You really are amazing. Your bravery and resilience inspires me. Your stoic nature and ability to push through all odds with humour and joy makes me proud. Your kindness and compassion teaches me everyday what it means to be unconditional. Your sense of adventure makes you the funnest person I know. Your smile, makes me smile. Your hugs warm my soul. And I will be here for you no matter what. Always.

We have been through a lot, you and I. We will go through a lot more. But through it all I will keep loving you. So, no matter how today goes I want you to know that you are my hero. You are a pint sized person with super human powers. I admire you, and I wish I was more like you. Every day you are in my life, you make me a better person.

I wish nothing but the best for you today as you embark on this new phase of your life. Please forgive me if I hug you a little tighter, and kiss you a little more than normal. It’s your own fault, you make it hard not to love you so much. You may be a big boy now, but don’t forget….You are still my baby, and always will be.

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One thought on “To my little boy on his first day of school

  1. How beautiful! It’s so hard to let them go, but that’s how it is. It’s so strange that as moms we only get to hold them completely when they are babies, and yet the feeling remains burned into our conscience forever, so that we suffer a little with every tiny step that they take on their own. You probably feel it intensely because of his special needs, but it’s just as hard for every single mom out there. Best wishes to him and I hope he has a wonderful school year!

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